I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
