Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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