Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
