This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
