I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
