I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
