I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
