I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
