When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
