when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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