Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
