and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
