Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize