Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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