dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
