You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
