I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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