i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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