I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
