you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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