Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize