a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
