I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
