His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
