i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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