I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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