I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
