Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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