what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
