Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We are two peas in an std pod
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
