I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
