Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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