Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
