1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
