I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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