you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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