wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
