the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
