I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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