sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
