Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
