I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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