You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
