oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize