lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
