Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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