can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
