it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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