so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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