i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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