I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
