Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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