I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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