My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
