Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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