Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
