So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
