She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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