i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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