I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
two words: eviction party
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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