why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
