I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
