My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize