well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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