2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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