Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
