I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
